The Next Generation - Spencer's Take


Written with apologies to Dr. Seuss.

Sony-ites and Softies all take to the Twitter,
each one spouting facts from an unnamed fake source,
but the Big Three’s stagnation has left me quite bitter,
(and besides, I prefer the PC, of course).

Plus the details arising this new generation
are practically listings of cause for alarm,
so while they bring cries of fans’ adulation
I end up suspecting they’ll just do more harm.

Consider, for example, one so-called advantage;
a theft-foiling feature called “always-online.”
We all should remember how Blizzard mismanaged
and left single-players with excess downtime.

Such ownership checks are mostly ham-handed,
more likely to capture paid players than crooks;
a Comcastic night will leave one quite stranded,
and games that won’t load can’t rely on good looks.

There’s also the prospect of cruel innovations
that outlaw and stifle the use of used disks,
I know! Such claims would seem exaggerations,
but outstanding patents suggest they exist.

And why? So some guy in a thousand-buck suit
can wring sixty more dollars from my empty bank?
For a game where I lose all my progress and loot
if my internet drops? Man, who should I thank?

No friends, I have not a gleam of elation
for a new X-marked box from the town to my east,
nor do I long for a fourth-ed Playstation
when my mark 3’s been off for a fortnight at least.

The state of the industry’s far too exciting
to nitpick the non-words of those dinosaurs
as they grumble, and growl, and stoop to infighting
like quadragenarians comparing high scores.

The true innovations now reaching fruition
are the Steambox and Steam Marketplace, don’t you see?
A fine hardware gift from our humble patrician,
putting real hardcore games on your HDTV.

The Marketplace promises (though still in testing) 
to turn your spare games into usable cash,
and money we know, is really the best thing,
though when sales hit, it’ll leave in a flash.

There’s also the tens upon tens of new titles
from IndieGoGo, and Kickstarter, indeed.
While some of the projects are lacking in vitals
there’s more than enough there to drive me to greed!

So as for old Microsoft, Nintendo, Sony,
I’m honestly sick of their marketing smut:
From this generation (call me a phony,)
what am I stoked for? Nothing, that’s what.