PAX Prime Poetry

This picture of Final Fantasy creator Hironobu Sakaguchi is literally the only photo I took at all of PAX Prime that doesn't prominently feature a Double Fine game. I'm either a bad photographer or an unscrupulous journalist, apparently.

This picture of Final Fantasy creator Hironobu Sakaguchi is literally the only photo I took at all of PAX Prime that doesn't prominently feature a Double Fine game. I'm either a bad photographer or an unscrupulous journalist, apparently.

This was my tenth PAX Prime. I played a lot of games, saw a lot more than I played, and talked to more people than I can possibly hope to keep track of. Rather than bore you all with a lengthy preview piece full of "we'll have to wait and see"s and "what if"s, I've found a much more elegant solution: poetry.

And what more-deserving type of poem for video games is there than the limerick?

 

Far Cry 4

There once was a game called Far Cry 4

Its marketing tactics I abhor

Nerds in fur suits

Fought for free loot

Dear Ubisoft: please! No more!

 

Bayonetta 2

I then played Bayonetta 2

A sequel? Too good to be true!

Its rough graphics (on loan

From the first) made me groan

But her hair still turns into a shoe

 

Game 4/The Behemoth

The Behemoth dazzled the floor

With homemade contraptions galore

All bursting w/ style

That line took a while

I still wanna play more Game 4

 

Sunset Overdrive

The top Xbox game on display?

Sunset Overdrive (in multiplay)

Its framerate did suffer

From colorful clutter

Please fix it before launch day

 

Forza Horizon 2

I’m a sucker for racing, it’s true

So I played Forza Horizon 2

Ibiza is pretty

Even when weather’s shitty

But I don’t need a sequel; do you?

 

Nuclear Throne

No battle more taxing I’ve known

Than seeking the Nuclear Throne

Fans waited in droves

In hope of free codes

For masochists, it’s a must-own

 

Halo: The Master Chief Collection

Yo dawg, I hear you like Halo

But 5 isn’t ready to play? Oh.

Here's four games in one

At 60 frames it’ll run

But we’ve seen ‘em before; I say no

 

Pokémon Art Academy

Ever wished you could draw Pikachu?

Have I got a game just for you

Pokémon Art Academy

It’s a thing, apparently

Will it sell? I have no clue

 

Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire

So maybe art doesn’t provide;

“No Ruby or Sapphire?” you chide

Omega/Alpha you seek

A mere trailer you’ll peek

Free Hoenn map? Not worth the ride

 

Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number

The mask-wearing Jacket we knew?

He's missing from Hotline Miami 2

New levels impress

And ultraviolence, I guess

What’s left to be said? Wish I knew

 

Miegakure

We experience life in 3D

But Miegakure asks us to see:

Along the fourth axis

You traverse with practice

It’s exactly why games astound me

 

Super Meat Boy Forever

Here was a sight for sore eyes:

It’s Meat Boy—what a surprise!

Just one button to play

Random levels? Ok!

Endless running is perfect for you

 

Upsilon Circuit

Imagine for me, if you can

1v100 meets The Running Man

In Upsilon Circuit

One death & you’ve blown it

Don’t anger the crowd, or else *blam*

 

Pokémon Trading Card Game

While Hearthstone and Magic both preen

Pokémon TCG was first seen

A horrendous UI

So awful you’ll cry

“Nintendo, don’t ruin this scene”

 

Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 3DS/For Wii U

When it comes to reviving the past

Smash Bros. just can’t be surpassed

The roster is huge

A nostalgic deluge

On 3DS or Wii U, it’s a blast

 

Bloodborne

If anything was worth the wait,

It’s Bloodborne—no need to debate

Dark Souls w/ a twist?

No, it’s fast horror bliss

Out in February—save the date

 

Close Castles

The greatest surprise of the show

Came from @dom2d & @AsherVo

The team behind Threes!

Made a game that'll please

Fans of tactics & speed: Game of Show

...

As @naemorris mentioned to me

The game by @AsherVo and @dom2d

Was missing a name

And yep, I'm to blame

It's called @CloseCastles—go & see!