PAX Prime Poetry
This was my tenth PAX Prime. I played a lot of games, saw a lot more than I played, and talked to more people than I can possibly hope to keep track of. Rather than bore you all with a lengthy preview piece full of "we'll have to wait and see"s and "what if"s, I've found a much more elegant solution: poetry.
And what more-deserving type of poem for video games is there than the limerick?
Far Cry 4
There once was a game called Far Cry 4
Its marketing tactics I abhor
Nerds in fur suits
Fought for free loot
Dear Ubisoft: please! No more!
I then played Bayonetta 2
A sequel? Too good to be true!
Its rough graphics (on loan
From the first) made me groan
But her hair still turns into a shoe
Game 4/The Behemoth
The Behemoth dazzled the floor
With homemade contraptions galore
All bursting w/ style
That line took a while
I still wanna play more Game 4
The top Xbox game on display?
Sunset Overdrive (in multiplay)
Its framerate did suffer
From colorful clutter
Please fix it before launch day
Forza Horizon 2
I’m a sucker for racing, it’s true
So I played Forza Horizon 2
Ibiza is pretty
Even when weather’s shitty
But I don’t need a sequel; do you?
No battle more taxing I’ve known
Than seeking the Nuclear Throne
Fans waited in droves
In hope of free codes
For masochists, it’s a must-own
Halo: The Master Chief Collection
Yo dawg, I hear you like Halo
But 5 isn’t ready to play? Oh.
Here's four games in one
At 60 frames it’ll run
But we’ve seen ‘em before; I say no
Pokémon Art Academy
Ever wished you could draw Pikachu?
Have I got a game just for you
Pokémon Art Academy
It’s a thing, apparently
Will it sell? I have no clue
Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire
So maybe art doesn’t provide;
“No Ruby or Sapphire?” you chide
Omega/Alpha you seek
A mere trailer you’ll peek
Free Hoenn map? Not worth the ride
Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number
The mask-wearing Jacket we knew?
He's missing from Hotline Miami 2
New levels impress
And ultraviolence, I guess
What’s left to be said? Wish I knew
We experience life in 3D
But Miegakure asks us to see:
Along the fourth axis
You traverse with practice
It’s exactly why games astound me
Super Meat Boy Forever
Here was a sight for sore eyes:
It’s Meat Boy—what a surprise!
Just one button to play
Random levels? Ok!
Endless running is perfect for you
Imagine for me, if you can
1v100 meets The Running Man
In Upsilon Circuit
One death & you’ve blown it
Don’t anger the crowd, or else *blam*
Pokémon Trading Card Game
While Hearthstone and Magic both preen
Pokémon TCG was first seen
A horrendous UI
So awful you’ll cry
“Nintendo, don’t ruin this scene”
Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 3DS/For Wii U
When it comes to reviving the past
Smash Bros. just can’t be surpassed
The roster is huge
A nostalgic deluge
On 3DS or Wii U, it’s a blast
If anything was worth the wait,
It’s Bloodborne—no need to debate
Dark Souls w/ a twist?
No, it’s fast horror bliss
Out in February—save the date
The greatest surprise of the show
The team behind Threes!
Made a game that'll please
Fans of tactics & speed: Game of Show
As @naemorris mentioned to me
Was missing a name
And yep, I'm to blame
It's called @CloseCastles—go & see!